美版知乎:在印度婚姻中,为何男方年纪要比女方大

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Why is it that a boy needs to be older than the girl in an Indian marriage?

为什么在印度的婚姻中,男方年纪要比女方大?

 以下是Quora读者的评论:

Anonymous

I am seven years older than my husband.

You can't imagine what a big deal that was.

我比我丈夫大七岁。

你无法想象这是个多大的问题。

Of course there were other issues like community, but we'll talk only about age here.

My husband and I were aware I was much older than he is, and consciously never dated though we really liked each other. But of course destiny had other plans for us.

当然还有其他的问题,比如社区,但是我们在这里只讨论年龄。

我丈夫和我都知道我比他大得多,虽然我们都很喜欢对方,但我们从来没有约会过。当然,命运对我们有别的安排。

We had to convince our family. I was 31 and he 24, far too young to get married his family thought.

My family - a girl matures faster than a guy and hence it's important that the guy is older than the girl.

我们必须说服我们的家人。我当时31岁,他24岁,他的家人认为他太年轻了,结婚还太早。

我的家庭则认为——女孩比男孩成熟得快,因此男孩要比女孩大,这很重要。

At 24, he isn't financially stable.

Since you'll age faster than him, he might leave you for a younger woman.

His family - in our culture the bride must be younger than the groom. What will people say?

24岁的他经济状况不稳定。

因为你比他老得快,他可能会为了一个更年轻的女人而离开你。

他的家庭认为——在我们的文化中,新娘必须比新郎年轻。周围的人会怎么说?

If she isn't married yet, there's obviously something wrong with her character.

She's so much older, will she still be fertile when you'll want to have kids?

These are actual things said by our families and I'm sure most people have these thoughts

如果她还没有结婚,那她的性格肯定有问题。

她年纪大那么多,当你想要孩子的时候,她还能生孩子吗?

这些是我们家人说过的话,我相信大多数人都有这样的想法。

 

Lili Basu Biswas, Housewife (2005-present)

1.It's generally consider, a woman maturity level is equivalent to 5 yrs plus age man.

2.Women loss their attractiveness much faster than men. A 30 yrs old women can be similar in term of attractiveness of 35 plus age man. Do not consider the make up things.

3.In Indi�ٻ���Ʊ����a, husband consider as guardian of a family.

4.In old age, both husband and wife will suffer old age problems at same time. If 10 yrs age difference is there than a 50 yrs old wife can take care of 60 years husband. Because she will be much stronger than her husband because she is much younger. Their children's also does not need to take much load of two aged parents.

5.Men sexual drive stay much longer than women. As in Indian normally people marry for one in a life. This thing also need to balance

1.一般认为,一个女人的成熟程度比男人大5岁以上。

2.女性失去吸引力的速度比男性快得多。一个30岁女人的魅力和一个35岁以上的男人一样。那些编造的事情听听就好,千万别信。

3.在印度,丈夫被认为是家庭的守卫者。

4.上了年纪后,丈夫和妻子都会同时面临年老的问题。如果有10岁的年龄差,那么50岁的妻子可以照顾60岁的丈夫。因为她年纪小得多,所以会比她的身体会比丈夫强壮得多。他们的孩子也不会背负一对年迈父母的沉重负担。

5.男人的性欲比女人持久得多。在印度,人们通常一辈子就结一次婚。这个因素也需要考虑进去。

 

Subramanya Prabhakar, worked at PricewaterhouseCoopers

Hmm interesting question.. I don't think it's a rule but just a practice. I am a Kannadiga and my wife is a Sindhi who is a couple of years older than me.. I am 28 and she is 30 Just a background..

Now let me try listing some advantages of marrying a girl older than you:--

嗯有趣的问题. .我认为这不是一种规定,只是一种约定俗成的做法。我是Kannadiga,我的妻子是Sindhi,她比我大两岁。我28岁,她30岁。

现在我来试着列出一些娶一个年纪比你大的女孩的好处:

  1. When it comes to the new generation, I have observed that most of the girls are pretty immature. Some are just plain plastic/ phoney. The rest are simply boring.
  2. Older girls from my experience can be good/ equal partners in crisis management. So this lets you take more risks and if going gets difficult you are not stuck with a silly young girl.
  3. In most situations you are on the same page with the girl. So this makes life that much simpler.
  4. You don't have to waste your time and effort trying to make the girl comprehend something since she is already level with you. So this lets you to take quick decisions.
  5. Biggest advantage of all they are simply better in bed ;)
  6. No offence intended to anyone. I hope the younger generation can keep up too
  7. 说到新一代,我发现大多数女孩都很不成熟。有些女孩很会骗人。其他的很无趣。
  8. 从我的经验来看,年纪较大的女孩在遇到危机管理时可能会是很好的/平等的伙伴。这样你就可以冒更大的风险,如果遇到困难,你也不会被一个傻姑娘困住。
  9. 在大多数情况下,你和女孩的想法是一致的。这让生活变得简单多了。
  10. 你不必浪费时间和精力去试图让她明白一些事情,因为她和你一样,都懂了。这能让你快速做出决定。
  11. 她们最大的优势就是床上功夫更好。

注:无意冒犯任何人。我希望年轻一代也来说说。

 

Raj Subramanyam, Marriage won't work automatically ... you have to make it work !

This convention is dated back well before the current generation.

The thought process of the previous generation:

这项习俗的历史远远早于现在这一代人。

老一辈人是这么形成这种思维的:

1.Girls are brought up with a notion that, the protector and provider is father before marriage and husband after marriage and son in the sunset age. Father and husband’s words are to be respected alike. Hence, it’s obvious that, the husband should be elder to her, in order to earn (read command) that respect from her.

2.When the couple is considered as a single individual, isolated unit, the person who leads the unit, obviously is supposed to be senior who had more experience in life. Since it’s the husband (by default, in the previous generation) who leads the family, he is supposed to be the eldest one in their little unit.

3.Biologically, a younger woman means a lesser health risks, lesser risk in pregnancy, higher possibility of bringing healthy babies into the world

4.Younger woman can help better during the old age of the husband and post his demise, could be in a position to help her daughter-in-law during her pregnancies and take an active part in rising the grand children

1.女孩们从小就被灌输这样一种观念:女子的保护神和供养者在婚前是父亲、婚后是丈夫,晚年是儿子。父亲的话和丈夫的话应该受到同样的尊重。因此,很明显,丈夫应该比她年长,这样才能赢得她的尊重。

2.当一对夫妇被视为一个单独的,孤立的单位时,领导这个单位的人,显然应该要更年长,有更多生活经验。由于是丈夫(上一代人眼中这是默认的)在领导这个家庭,他应该是他们这个小单位里最年长的那个人。

3.从生物学上讲,年轻的女性意味着较低的健康风险和怀孕风险,更有可能为世界带来健康的新生婴儿。

4.年轻的女人可以在丈夫年老时更好地照顾他,在他去世后,可以帮助她怀孕的儿媳,并发挥抚养孙子的作用。

The though process of the recent generation:

From girl’s parents:

新一代的思维:

女方的父母:

1.Higher the age of the boy, higher will be his income (in general, there will always be exceptions), so their daughter would be well provided

2.Girls are more matured than boys at a lesser age (approx. 3 years). So to have a more or less similar mindset between the both, the girl has to be at least 2 - 3 years younger

1.男孩的年龄越大,他的收入就越高(一般而言,但总有例外),这样他们的女儿就会得到很好的物质供养。

2.女孩会比男孩早熟3年。因此,为了让这两者之间拥有相似的心态,女孩必须至少年轻2 - 3岁。

From boy’s parents:

1.Elder bride means, possible control of her over their son

2.Possible risks in pregnancy and further brought up of the children

3.In an argument, she would say, I’ve seen more life than you have, this is how it needs to done. Now don’t argue with me anymore on this (On a personal note here … irrespective of wife being elder or younger, she’s the one who wins, so I don’t see why this point is applicable at all)

男方的父母:

1.新娘年纪大则意味着,她可以控制他们的儿子;

2.在妊娠及未来抚养子女过程中可能存在风险;

3.如果吵架,她会说,我的生活阅历比你丰富,这个事就该这么处理。现在,不要再在这一点上和我争论了(就我个人而言,无论妻子年长还是年轻,都会是赢家,所以我不明白这个因素为什么重要)

Due to above reasons, it’s still considered in Indian arranged marriage scenario that the groom should be elder to the bride.

由于上述原因,在印度包办婚姻的情况下,仍然认为新郎应该比新娘年长。

 

Prabhat Agarwal, Engineer by profession, foodie by habit and a history freak by choice .

See historically in almost all cultures across the globe there was a belief that a man should marry a woman who is younger to him and the most common reason behind this belief was the relationship of age with fertility of a woman , which further related to her abilities to raise her children at the age when she is young & healthy and also a common belief that women turns old earlier than men and her ability to serve her husband and look after him decreases but now it no longer prevails extensively as the education, literacy and awareness has increased among the people. Today, we see cases of older women marrying younger men and age in modern India is not actually a big issue specially in educated people. A further reason behind this believe can be a view that a man should be strong enough physically, mentally, financially and socially to fulfill his responsibilities successfully as a husband and a father. So, in this way he was the family's sole bread earner and responsible for fulfilling majority of its needs, which pushed him into a situation where he has to achieve few things and fulfill some conditions before he could be considered eligible for marriage. Thus, a man needed few more years than woman for becoming fit for marriage and causing him to be elder than his wife.

从历史上看,在全球几乎所有的文化中都有一种观念,那就是男人应该娶比自己年轻的女人,这种观念背后最普遍的原因是年龄与女人生育能力的关系,以及更进一步说,在抚养子女的时候她还年轻、还健康,人们也普遍认为女性会比男性早衰,她服侍、照顾丈夫的能力减弱了,但现在由于教育、文化和认知的提高,这个观点不再那么普遍了。今天,在现代印度,我们也看到了大龄女性嫁给年轻男性的例子,这实际上并不是什么大问题,特别是对受过教育的人而言。这种观点背后的另一个原因是,男人应该在身体上、精神上、经济上和社会上都足够强大,能够成功地履行作为丈夫和父亲的责任。因此,在这种情况下,他是这个家庭唯一的收入来源,负责满足家庭的大部分需求,这就把他推到了这样一种境地,在他被认为有资格结婚之前,他必须完成某些事情,满足一些条件。因此,男人需要比女人多几年的时间来适应婚姻,所以就会比妻子年长。

 

Vishnu Rajan.R, Rooted cricket fan and like to know about astrophysics.

This is an interesting question,

这是一个有趣的问题

The boy needs to be older or same as the age of girl,because Researcher has found that Marriage generally improves life expectancy, but the age gap between a couple affects the life expectancy of men and women very differently.

男孩需要比女孩大一些,或者与女孩年龄相仿,因为研究人员发现,婚姻通常会提高预期寿命,但夫妇之间的年龄差距对男性和女性预期寿命的影响非常不同。

Marrying an older man shortens a woman's lifespan, but having a younger husband reduces it even more, the study found.

研究发现,与年长的男性结婚会缩短女性的寿命,而与年轻的男性结婚会更加缩短女性的寿命。

A man who is between seven and nine years older than his wife has an 11% lower mortality rate than a man whose wife is the same age as him. However, a woman who is between seven and nine years older than her husband has a 20% greater mortality rate than if she were with a man the same age.(图)

比妻子大7 - 9岁的男性和与妻子年龄相同的男性相比,死亡率低11%。但比丈夫大7 - 9岁的女性和与丈夫年龄相同的女性相比,死亡率高20%。

 

 

Gisella Famà, Recently married!

This is me and my husband. I am 1 year (he would tell you 2) older than him.

Could you tell?

Yes, no, it doesn't matter.

这是我和我的丈夫。我比他大一岁(他会说我比他大两岁)。

你看得出来么?

看得出或看不出,都无所谓。

Of course I will reach my 40s, 50s etc before him and I will get wrinkles everywhere, while he will most probably be the same and of course, being a man, may be attracted to young girls.

当然,我会比他早到四十岁、五十岁,皱纹会遍布全身,而他也可能和我一样,当然,作为一个男人,可能会被年轻女孩吸引。

But you know what? I am not worried about that! Because not many young girls can really compete with the way I am now, imagine in the future, when I will have learnt so much more and will have even more experience than I have now.

你知道吗?我才不担心呢!因为没有多少年轻女孩能赢过现在的我,想象一下,未来我将学到更多的东西,将比现在的我更有经验。

Sometimes all you need is a little bit of self confidence. And knowing that (hopefully) you are together with someone just for their souls, and not for their looks - which is usually what age takes away from you!

有时候你需要的只是一点点自信。而且要知道(希望如此)你和某人在一起只是为了他们的灵魂,而不是他们的外表——这通常是岁月会从你身上偷走的东西!

 

Prem Rathaur, Geologist || ONGCian || DGHian

Technically and logically a boy needs to be little older than the girl to marry.

逻辑上来说,男孩需要比女孩大一点才能结婚。

Biologically girls grow earlier to boys and thier growth rate is little faster than the boys and they become physically more mature than the guys of same age. So a boy of 21 year old will be at same physical maturity that of a girl which 18-19 year old.

从生理上来说,女孩比男孩早发育,她们的发育速度比男孩快一点,她们在生理上比同龄的男孩更早熟。因此,一个21岁的男孩和一个18-19岁的女孩在生理上是一样成熟的。

It is supposed (ancient time) that girls life span is little less than that of men so if a boye marries a girl with 2-5 year younger girl that might die at the same time (here time means difference of 1-2 year) provided notaccident happened.

据说(古代)女孩的寿命比男人短一点,所以如果一个女孩娶了一个年轻2-5岁的女孩,可能会同时死亡(可能有1-2年的时差),前提是没有发生意外。

If we think logically boys should be older to gain more experience than a girl whom he is going to marry which is possible if you have spend more time on the earth.

如果我们从逻辑上考虑,男孩应该比他要娶的女孩年龄更大,拥有更多的经验。

Considering other social factors like good job, stable carrer, well setteled house etc. you need time for that which makes you older

考虑到其他的社会因素,比如好工作,稳定的职业,舒适的房子等等,你需要时间来实现这些目标,这会增长你的年纪。

 

Sukh Dutta, Observing people around and learning everyday..

Less than a year is not even a difference. I am 2 months elder than my husband. To us, it doesn't even matter (except during those two months when he teases me). Like all things, it matters more to outsiders who have nothing to do with it.

不到一年的年龄差并没有差别。我比我丈夫大两个月。对我们来说,这根本不重要(除了他嘲笑我的那两个月)。就像所有的事情一样,它对与之无关的局外人更重要。

In India at least, people want the husband to be older than the wife especially in an arranged marriage setup. Why? So that the husband will be "well-settled" and "good marriage material" (translated to - is in a secure job with enough salary) and the couple don't have to worry about financial factors. I don't know whether the idea is valid or not but I do know that its the trend. Personally, I don't agree with it but hey... to each his own!

至少在印度,人们希望丈夫比妻子年长,尤其是在包办婚姻中。为什么?这样,丈夫能“有安稳的生活”,“有不错的成家基础”(翻译过来就是——有一份稳定的工作,有足够的薪水),夫妻俩不必担心经济上的问题。我不知道这个想法是否正确,但我知道这是大势所趋。但就我个人而言,我并不同意,但是嘿……各有所好!

Of course if the age difference is too large (for me it would be more than 7-8 years, could be more or less for others), then the perspective towards life becomes different. And its applicable whether the guy is older or the girl. What you both want from life becomes different. Your maturity levels become different. There are always exceptions but the relationship would suffer if the two people are looking for completely different things because they are at different phases in their lives.

当然,如果年龄差距太大(对我来说可能超过7-8岁,对其他人来说可能更多或更少),那么对生活的看法就会不同。这适用于年龄较大的男性或女性。你俩想要的生活不一样了。你的成熟程度也有所不同。当然也有例外,但如果两个人在寻找完全不同的东西,他们的关系就会受到影响,因为他们处在人生的不同阶段。

 

Jyothi Mohan, lived in India

The reason which I was aware is that girls mental maturity is faster than the boys , good 3 years ahead. A boy with 21 years has the same amount of maturity as that of a 18 year girl. Now, dont ask me on what basis/studies this has been determined :-)

我能想到的原因是女孩的心理比男孩早熟,可能3年。21岁的男孩和18岁的女孩一样成熟。但不要问我这是根据什么研究得出的结论:-)

As per the Prohibition of Child Marriage Act legal age for a girl to marry is 18 and for a boy is 21.

根据《禁止童婚法》,女孩的法定结婚年龄是18岁,男孩是21岁。

In our family, we see that the age difference between the boy and girl should not be more than 5 years, if not in the current age it becomes a g�ٻ���Ʊ����eneration gap :-)

在我们家,我们看到男孩和女孩的年龄差距不应该超过5岁,如果超出这个范围,就会有代沟。

 译文来源:三泰虎 http://www.santaihu.com/49772.html 译者:Joyceliu

 

Maitreyee Bhaduri, works at Adani Power

Who told you so? Sita was older than Ram. Radha was older than Krishna. Need more examples?

The cult has nothing to do with Indian tradition but more to do with economics and common sense.

谁告诉你的?西塔比拉姆年长。罗陀比奎师那年长。还需要更多的例子吗?

这种观念与印度传统无关,更多的是与经济和常识有关。

Typically men are perceived as bread-winners and women were married off early all around the world. Older men typically had a higher degree of education or experience, had a job and could support a family. It was just plain common sense since no parent would like to marry their daughter to a penniless youngster.

在世界各地,男性通常被视为养家糊口的那个人,而女性则早早就结婚了。年长的男性通常拥有更高的学历或经验,有一份工作,可以养家。这是常识,因为没有父母愿意把女儿嫁给身无分文的年轻人

With women's empowerment, most of the world has moved ahead (including in India) but some people simply love to blame everything on Indian culture.

随着女性赋权运动的崛起,世界上大多数国家都取得了进步(包括印度),但有些人就是喜欢把一切都归咎于印度文化。

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